There's a lot on my mind this morning that I need to expunge and I have decided that I need to do it here....on my blog. I am not a huge fan of blog posts that go into this realm, so I will understand should you choose not to comment. I never write for comments anyway...that is and never was the original purpose of this blog...it was just a small place where I could write freely and be creative with my words and experiences.

For the past several months I have veered away from becoming too open, too free with what I have been going through. I have been feeling beat up and destroyed. I did not want to share that with anyone, to bring anyone else down into my sadness, but the time has come for me to say a few things.

The recent storm caused major destruction to a place that I love with all my heart. A place I have learned to call home and because of the recent break-up of my relationship with Hard Working Man that may be changing very quickly. We had a life together that is no longer and may not ever be again...I am now okay with that thought. What I am not "so okay" with is his inability to act responsibly in regards to our mutual financial requirements...and that leaves me in a dangerous situation of being homeless...by Thanksgiving.

This is not something I or anyone else deserves. If you want to leave a relationship, then have the common decency to do it correctly and humanly.

Speaking of decency and acting humanly, I read some blogs after Internet was restored and I was hit with another very low blow. How could a human being wish for me to have a miscarriage in the midst of a powerful storm? I really do not care of your opinion of me as a person, but to wish that on anyone is the lowest of form of decorum and only shows an obvious lack of class...to which I have much. My pregnancy with Hard Working Man was none of your business and your hurtful suggestion that I miscarry is unforgivable. It was made even worse with the decision that he and I had to make together.

Yesterday, I had procedure that goes against everything I stand for and believe in...something that destroyed me to my core. It proved to be greatly painful for both Hard Working Man, myself, and Hard Working Man's Mother, but it was the best decision for us and our situation. I know and understand this...I destroyed a life. I will live with that forever...so as your having a great time joking and laughing at my expense, grieve for the CHILD that we destroyed.

Today brings a new day...a new light...a new perspective. I am stronger than I ever thought I was before. I will rebuild. I will go on and I will continue to love...just differently. There is still beauty after total devastation and while I may stumble and falter along the way, there is nothing I can not get through.

I am a survivor of the storm.